Aging: Isn't That The Point?

I turned 30 this week and — you guessed it — I have some thoughts.

Courtesy of Pamela Angerson/Instagram.

Every morning that we possibly can, Olivia and I meet up for coffee and a walk down by the water. Some days we talk about work, others about clothes, but earlier this week, we tackled the topic of growing up.

I turned 30 on Tuesday, and prior to the occasion, I warned friends of an unavoidable “menty B” to come. I’m not great with Big Changes, and even though I felt genuinely excited to enter a new chapter of life, the closing of another made my throat feel tight. Sure enough, as the clock struck midnight and March 11 came to be, my eyes welled up and my fiancé clocked in for a shift at the Talk Bella Off A Ledge factory. (He is Employee of the Month, every month).

On our walk the next day, I told Olivia about my mini-breakdown. I shared that, even though I felt genuinely ready for and eager to begin this new decade, I struggled with the letting-go of my pre-conceived notions of youth. Was I now too old to be taken care of? Were there things I should know by now that I didn’t?

I mentioned how incomprehensible it seemed that we, as humans, start aging and never stop. That no matter how happy and healthy we are, we can’t actually turn back time. Delighting in my thirties came with the trade-off of never, ever being in my twenties again.

Between sips of an iced latte, Olivia posed a question:

Isn’t getting older the point?

Reader, that threw me for a loop, because of course it is.

I know and regard aging as a privilege, but it wasn’t until that moment that I was able to think quite so literally about it. Everything we do, every healthy choice we make, is made with the intention of bettering and lengthening our lives. So why would the opportunity to live said long life loom as daunting?

Over the last year, I’ve gotten serious about my health. I’ve committed to a demanding workout routine with a personal trainer, started cooking more and eating differently at home, strategized to balance low blood sugar, high cortisol, and insulin resistance. And I’ve done a really good job. I’ve lost fifty pounds, I sleep better, I eat well, and my aforementioned mental breakdowns are far fewer. I’ve achieved a more pleasant and manageable daily existence.

What was all that for, if not the goal of a long, healthy life? If not to age?

The very thing that frightened me and felt impossible to grasp turned out to be the thing I’m working towards every second of every day. Yes, I can feel emotional about leaving my twenties behind, but beginning my thirties is something of a symbol of success. I’ve made concentrated efforts to get to the point where this new decade, and hopefully many decades after, feels accessible and rewarding.

The reality is that I, like so many others, yearn for many years on this earth. I long for a face with lines that brag about all i’ve accomplished, even with all the negative realities that come with distance from youth.

In many ways, thirty is smack-dab in the middle of all that’s been and what’s to come, and I can reap the benefits of both youth and age. I’m young enough, physically, to do whatever I want, but with a wisened mentality that will help me determine exactly what that might be.

Perhaps this might not be as profound for some of you as it was to me, and to that I say, Kudos to you for knowing this all along. Perhaps I wasn’t old enough to grasp such a concept before now. I’m only thirty, after all.

x BG

P.S. You can follow Olivia’s Substack,

Check the Bag

for further wisdom (and travel guides!).